By Sophia Godkin PhD
We all know the Activator as that speedy, adventurous risk-taker with an insatiable curiosity for life and an impeccable ability to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. But when it comes to dating, sex, and love, what are their preferences? Their typical behaviors? Their strengths? Their weaknesses? Their deepest desires?
Welcome to ‘The Activator: In Dating, In Sex, and In Love’, where we ask the question “How does this incredible mind-body type perceive, receive, and thrive in the experiences of dating, sex, and love?”
Whether you yourself are an Activator, are considering dating an Activator, or are in a relationship with or married to someone who is, the answers might surprise you! (If you don’t yet know your type, click here to find out in just 3 minutes!)
You are magnetic.
You usually won’t have an issue with approaching or attracting people. You tend to be quite charming, charismatic, and striking up a conversation is something you’re naturally good at. If you open up to and utilize these natural qualities of yours, dating can be quite the thrill.
Some of you, given your inherent charm, may take to “playing the field”, exploring dating with the wide array of people that are magnetized to you. Especially in your early years, you may not actively be looking for a long-term committed relationship though it may, and often does, arise. You’ll often prefer to keep things casual for a while as you entertain the idea of a long-term relationship and wonder if it will or won’t infringe on the freedom that you love oh so much.
If it doesn’t let you grow, it isn’t right.
You are immensely passionate about life and you want someone who is equally enthusiastic to explore with, go on adventures with, share physical affection with, and enjoy fun and passionate moments with.
You want to be loved and you also want to be free. This is especially true if you are an Activator on the cusp of a Connector (what I lovingly refer to as a “Connectivator”). So, you are looking for a potential relationship that is passionate, adventurous, and that simultaneously fulfills those needs of love and freedom. Otherwise, why do it? Life is not something that you want to waste even one moment of.
And though it might appear as if you’re afraid of commitment, what you’re really afraid of is a relationship that’s dull, boring, stagnant, and that doesn’t offer you any opportunities for growth and exploration. Dating, for you, is about having new experiences that allow you to freely discover and experience more of the world around you and to grow as a result.
There’s no stopping you.
Dating usually isn’t something you’re overly concerned about. You just go with the flow of the moment, experiencing life day by day. So when you do meet someone who is of interest to you, it’s usually not because you’ve put in a lot of effort and exhausted all of your options. In fact, you often meet people by chance. When asked how her past relationships have started, Marisa M., a female Activator, told me, “Every one of my relationships have started with an unexpected chance meeting. None of them were planned out, or blind dates arranged by someone.”
When you meet someone and it feels good, you know it in your gut. There’s no denying it. And when this is the case, it’s not uncommon for dating to evolve into a relationship rather quickly for you. “The most powerful attractions have happened smoothly and quickly, naturally evolving into more. The guy pursues me and I am excited about it. I get very excited about it and I might come across as eager. The relationships evolve fast and become physical quickly,” divulged Marisa M.
It’s passionate, like you.
You are passionate in your words, your actions, and your affections, and a relationship with you very much revolves around passion. You get a lot of energy from being physically engaged and cognitively stimulated and challenged, so passion assumes many forms and takes many directions for you.
Conflict and drama, while aversive to other types, may be rather enticing and exciting for you. You absolutely love the thrill of getting into – and winning – an argument. And while this is generally a healthy pursuit for you, be mindful that your partner may not get as much of a thrill from the debate as you, and find ways to engage this side of you without sacrificing the harmony of the relationship.
It carries its own thrills.
A healthy relationship for you allows you to experience all that you want. It satisfies your practical needs of having someone to do things with and share chores with, and it encourages you to learn more so you can do and be more.
If ever you feel that your partner is not open to trying new things, you may begin to feel held down and resentful that you’re not living the life you want. To prevent this, remember the innate power you have to get your most important needs met yourself without holding your partner responsible.
Sandra S., a female Activator, expressed that “a partnership has numerous benefits that outweigh any sacrifices. The benefits are having touch, support, comfort, company, companionship, love, someone to lean on, someone to help with the load or to help when I am sick, someone to accompany me to activities and someone that I can share ideas with, a travel companion, friend, confidant, who accepts me for who I am. The challenges are when it stops growing deeper, having enough free time to myself and trying to meet the other person’s expectations.” As you maintain the beautiful internal balance you have of being an independent person who also loves the company of others, understand your partner’s natural inclinations in dating, sex, and love (see our Dating, Sex, and Love series here), you can build the kind of relationship that offers you the comfort and security, and also thrill and excitement, that you desire.
You express love by what you do.
You are a natural “doer”. So when it comes to how you prefer to express love, it’s no surprise that you’re drawn to doing it more so through action (eg completing tasks, giving gifts) than through words (eg bathing your partner with loving remarks).
While it’s not impossible for you to poetically display your love for your partner with verbal compliments or words of appreciation, your love is much more of a hands-on kind of love. You much prefer to show your love through touch or by meeting your partner’s practical needs. You just love having duties to fulfill and expectations to meet. If you know what your partner prefers and expects of you, you will easily and happily accomplish it.
You really like sex.
You are very somatic by nature and sex is a major way that you engage and explore the depths of your physical form. You love to explore the world, and sex offers you a whole new world of possibilities to explore through your body. “Sex is like breathing or eating. We’re meant to do it all the time. It feels amazing [to be touched] and it’s natural,” said Martin Y., a male Activator. When asked how important it is for him to have an active sex life, Martin added, “I prefer to have as much sex as possible. It’s ‘the’ best feeling on Earth, so why wouldn’t I want to have sex all the time? Seems like simple logic to me :).” Dana B., a female Activator, when asked how important sex is for her in a relationship, said “it is probably number one to me because that is how I connect with my partner.”
You’ll try anything once.
The novelty and adventure you seek in daily life translates beautifully into the bedroom. Whether a new position, a new location, a new toy, or a new fantasy to role play, you’re apt to be curious about, and likely try it. You’re open-minded and willing to experiment with any new way to explore your sexuality, making your sex life anything but a mundane routine. The kinkier, the better.
Sex is all about living in the moment. When you’re nakedly enjoying the pleasures of sharing your body with another human being, you are embracing and giving in to the passion of each moment. Soft, tender moments are seldom, and intense moments are many. With your love of the human form and somatic intuition, you have the ability to take your partner on a deep, spirited, wild journey of love-making. And if you’ve had experiences and learnings that lead you to be particularly open emotionally and comfortable with sexuality, you might find that you are not afraid to be vocal about your enjoyment, letting your partner know just how much pleasure you are experiencing with him/her at every turn.
A healthy debate can be quite the aphrodisiac.
You are turned on by stimulation in all its forms, and when the mental, emotional, and physical parts of you are activated, like through a supercharged back and forth debate with your partner whose body, mind, and soul you are already drawn to, your attraction levels go through the roof.
In fact, foreplay and sex can take on a bit of a ‘debate’ energy themselves, where there is an enthralling push, followed by a seductive pull, matched by another push, pull, push, pull, push, pull… of sexual energy.
The HealthType classifications can be a wonderful way to understand yourself and the people in your life better as you navigate the terrain of friendship, dating, romantic relationship, love, and sex.
As you use these classifications to understand yourself and the people with whom you share this life better, remember that each type represents a tendency, not an absolute. And while there are six HealthTypes, there is only one of you. No one person is the same as another, and no one relationship is the same as another. Who you are as a friend, dating, relationship, or sexual partner is a function of your HealthType, and also your culture, conditioning, environment, past experiences, your current state of mind, and your current state of heart.
Want to know more about creating fulfillment in dating, in sex, and in love based on your HealthType? Want to suggest a blog or workshop topic? Leave us a comment below!
Look for my piece on “The Secrets To Creating a Satisfying Activator Relationship” coming soon!